The following is Blog post number fifteen,  and it is part of the ongoing Racial Reconciliation in America Series, offered in celebration of Black History Month. It is entitled: Offenses Part Two - Approach Avoidance.

RACIAL RECONCILIATION

Offenses Part Two – Approach Avoidance

When a person commits an act of offense and that offense is not immediately dealt with: by an act of contrition, forgiveness and then reconciliation, the offending person will attempt to avoid the approach of the person that they offended. Why? Because of a fear based shame that is associated with guilt. The entire matter can often be simply rooted in just plain old psychological weakness. Some people are raised or simply become indoctrinated into a belief that it is a weakness to say you’re sorry, when you have done something that you and others know is wrong. As the saying goes “Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness.”

We contend that this is utter foolishness and goes totally against Holy Scripture. It is one of the dumbest things ever! Who comes up with this stuff? If one person has wronged another person without any act of contrition then there is a lingering offense. First the wrong act itself and secondarily the disrespect of no apology. No recognition of the offense.

If the offense is a material or financial matter with no restitution this is a further extension of the original offense. When the offended and the offender who has not made restitution cannot avoid each other, the guilt within the conscience of the offending person, is continually stirred up. There develops a desire to not approach the offended person and this is brought on by a guilty conscience. And when this happens with an offender who has no intention to set things right; in order to mitigate within themselves the guilt that they feel, they will then tell lies to themselves and others about the folk that they have offended. This is most cowardly. It is happening right at this very minute somewhere near you!

Memory acts as the villain for conscience, as it brings to conscious awareness the act of the offense that has been done. This is the way that the conscience which knows moral right attempts to correct the entire situation. Fear is the barrier to that correction. Thus because of fear there is no reconciliation. Shame and the force of something called pride hinders a correction of the situation. Fear of loss and the general fear of unknown and perhaps even unintended consequences can actually prevent a correction of the situation.

Folk do not ever want to plead guilty to doing anything wrong. Folk do not want to admit an offense, that they were involved in directly or that someone that they love may have been involved in doing. Folk do not want it known that they or someone with whom they are emotionally connected with has had any participation in or connection with an offensive action. Avoiding the entire matter, particularly the offended person is the preferred course of action.

Because of their conscience, escaping the offense will be difficult as an emotional matter, even though they may as a practical matter seek avoidance of the offense altogether. The actual offender will avoid an approach of the offended. Someone with whom the offender is emotionally involved and knows of the offensive matter also wants to avoid the entire situation. Yet the conscience is causing an inward disturbance if it is not a seared conscience, but a clear and clean conscience. Within the conscious mind of an offender, there is a regular reflection on the offense. If the offense is not resolved there is a fear that the matter will be brought up every time they have contact with the offended person. In addition there is always the fear that they will be found out and thus shamed!

It can happen that an offending party is not even aware that they have caused an offense. They are just going through life doing their own thing; someone can be offended by some act that they are doing or thought, by others, to have done. Sometimes, their very existence is an offense to some folk. This is always rooted in some form of fear and resentment within the conscious mind and conscience of someone. Such a situation can be very dangerous and the consequences are at times extremely tragic.

Very often this combination of fear and resentment within the conscience is deadly; particularly, when hate is involved. Crimes occur, such as the lynching of Blacks, so prevalent during Jim Crow in America, or the exterminations of the Jews during Hitler’s Reign. Black folk are still getting lynched and shot for no particular reason other than for being Black. This is seen, also, in the hateful acts against homosexuals today. To some, the very existence of a Jew, a Black, or a homosexual is so viscerally offensive that their conscious fears and resentfulness turns to bitter communication and even uncontrolled rage. Conversely, a person might have a deeply held sense of dislike that they may not even be aware of its cause. A person just rubs them the wrong way and they do not know why. They just know that they do not like the person whose very presence offends their sensibilities. This is likely not they way they came out of the womb.

Offense is within the realm of the conscious mind in acts of will; if the conscience is not sensitive to right choices, the human being creates offenses; if these go unresolved this can produce results that are catastrophic. The most distasteful of all circumstance is when a foul and evil dominated conscience ruled by sin and therefore the devil, whispers into the willful mind of the hateful – that their evil actions are acted out on behalf of an Almighty God! This happens daily, is anti-Christian; quite simply a human doing work for the devil.

This entire act is played out in the conscience; as it delivers unrighteousness to the conscious mind and will. Such is the nature of what is called a “seared conscience!” This is one that is not at all sensitive to the things of God and heaven or for doing acts of righteousness. Yes, indeed, over the process of time, unresolved guilt that is due to an actual or perceived offense takes on a vile nature; this is the nature of fear and resentment.

Unresolved offense leads to unresolved guilt. This leads to approach avoidance. This leads to having no fellowship. This leads to continued offense because folk get to a place where they no longer even want to know one another. Don’t want to be in the same room with one another; can’t even look at one another. As such misunderstanding is easy and very frequent. When questions are asked lies are told. When questions are asked tensions arise. As this process unfolds over and over again, through the process of time dislikes and even hatreds manifest in a variety of ways, including violence.

Unresolved offense that leads to unresolved guilt eventually produces an environment where human caring is lost. This happens between folk who may have once been the best of friends; then an offense damns the relationship because guilt shame anger and resentment are allowed to fester. No good resolution of the offense is achieved. The relationship spirals downward and out of control and arrives at a horrible place with a “you are on your own philosophy.”

Resentment comes from a lack of reconciliation. This destroys the positive seeds of guilt; for in the early stages of guilt there is some recognition that wrong has been done. In the conscience there is a leaning towards offense resolution. That is if there is a modicum of human decency present. If guilt is managed properly, which is to as fast as possible address the offense in a meaningfully positive way, in order to bring about reconciliation quickly. When this happens, all possible negatives associated with guilt are avoided. In this manner guilt serves a good and vital purpose in the conscience of the human being.

However, without this action, the nature of guilt and resentment can surely lead us unto terrible events. Too often, guilt is handled negatively; fear with resentment comes through the conscience to our conscious awareness, and then the action is driven. This happens with human beings in our interpersonal relationships: it happens with racial groups, groups with cultural differences, such as liberals and conservatives in politics, it happens within different religious groups such as Christians, Jews and Muslims, and even between nations. Violence is the final answer if offense is not resolved. So it is such a place in America that we find ourselves. A place in which offenses that have occurred between different racial groups, particularly Black and White folk.

Our offences are at center-stage. We have reached the place of decision as a nation. Are we going to resolve our differences that are rooted in centuries of offenses and divisions because of race or are we going to remain where we are? Can we remain where we are without growing more: offended angry bitter fearful guilt-ridden and resentful? Will we continue as a nation of races to walk in our approach avoidance? Will we continue to develop a more seared conscience because of our racial divisions; just careening from one offensive event to another without any positive resolution? Can we endure the consequences of avoidance?

Well I am here to tell you that the Spirit of an Almighty God says no you can not wait, as an answer to all of these questions! Reconcile while you have a chance America for a watchful eye is forever open. Let us therefore seek to love one another. Let us come to the knowledge of the truth that our neighbor is that very person who we do not want to be our neighbor. The very person who we do not think is our neighbor, yea, that is the very one who is our neighbor. O God our God help us to learn; give us your capacity to love. Give us the discipline to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Help us O God our God to reconcile our offenses one against the other.